I used to argue that meritocracy was the way forward. I strongly believed that JPA scholarships and the like should only go to kids who “deserve” them – deserve here meaning those who score straight A’s and are a cut above the rest. I hated the fact that some kids would come to the interviews with 4-6 A’s and actually get the scholarship while I got 11 A’s and didn’t get anything. I hated the fact that there was a racial quota, and it was twice as difficult as a Malaysian Chinese to get government/government-linked scholarships than it was for others ethnicities. And so I grew up thinking that kids that didn’t deserve it got tons of money from the government, (I didn’t work that hard for my studies) but my friends who worked their butt off and got 10, 11A’s and just 1B were not even considered for the interview.
And then one day, while I was volunteering at the Subang DAP office, Rajiv (then MPSJ councillor, now Gasing Assemblyman) decided to kill some time debating. He’s a brilliant debater. The two other volunteers who were at the office brought up the topic of “merit-based scholarship”, and Rajiv shared how he met kids who grew up in kampongs and really sucked at their studies in the first year he was in Uni. But then as they entered the second and third year, they actually ended up teaching him some topics that they were doing better than him. He talked about how they don’t have the exposure we have, or the resources and facilities that we have, which is the primary reason for their lower grades. When competing on equal ground, they could very well be just as good, if not better than us. I walked away thinking that made sense, but I was still adamant that kids who score straight A’s should have priority on scholarships.
They say you’ll only know someone’s life when you walk a mile in their shoes. I was dabbling with ideas on how the Malaysian education system would be better, based mostly on my experience and readings/video-watching. But I also came to realize that I wouldn’t know what the situation is really like outside my own little world, until I go and experience life the way they do.
So I just came back from a one-week orientation in Pahang, and spent the week shadowing a current Teach for Malaysia (TFM) fellow in the 3rd last school in the state. The only two schools that are worse are special needs schools. I mean, I hear stories all the time about students in these schools being really bad, i.e. not being able to read and write, not caring about studies at all etc. but to really experience it first-hand . . . it’s just inconceivable. Kids who are fifteen and can’t read and write simple words, even in their native language. Then there are the ones who know stuff but rather spend their time smoking in the school toilet. There are also kids who rather drop out of school because they can work in their family’s business without needing to finish high school. And then I realized, to be in this environment, where teachers are apathetic and lazy, students are distracting and a bad influence, and family members are discouraging, where you have to walk half an hour to school and back, to get one A is a damn big deal. I remember my first Form 3 class with the fellow I was shadowing. His aim for the class was (realistically but really sad) to get five marks out of 100. And even then, that might be an aim too high for some of his students. I wonder how I would have fared in these situations. I never had to go through these problems. School was always a natural course of life. My going to university always felt like a given. But in this school, actually no, in this town, most of the community don’t even see the value of finishing high school.
Suddenly, dropping out doesn’t seem like that big a deal. And some of them have their family business or wealth to fall back onto. But what about those that don’t have that luxury?
I feel this is a huge reality check for me. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Maybe I am, maybe I will never be.
Back to my original point, I now know why some of these kids to come into interviews and talk about how 4As is the biggest deal in the world; it is the truth to them. And they probably need all the help they can get. And maybe kids who are top performers in SPM who can afford their tertiary education should probably pay for it themselves, so that others who need scholarships and loans can get it.
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In my own little world it hardly ever rains. I've never gone hungry, always felt safe. I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet. In my own little world: population – me.
